Four Books That Changed the Way I Think and Live

Some books don’t just give advice—they shift the way you see the world. Over the years, I’ve read countless books on productivity, habits, and personal growth, but a few stood out as truly transformative. These four books didn’t just teach me techniques or frameworks; they changed how I approach life, relationships, and myself.

In this post, I want to share why these books mattered to me, what I learned from them, and how their lessons continue to shape the way I think, act, and connect with others.

The Power of Now – Eckhart Tolle

There is a well-known German saying: “Wer hohe Türme bauen will, muss lange beim Fundament verweilen.” (Those who want to build high towers must spend a long time at the foundation.)

This book is the foundation of my personal recommendations.

The Power of Now gave me a framework for using and understanding my own mind. It was so fundamental that it changed my entire way of thinking and, through that, many areas of my life. The book deals with spiritual awareness, enlightenment, the ego, and our relationship with time.

One way I personally approach these ideas is through how I think about the brain. I see it as consisting of an ancient, instinctive part — sometimes called the reptilian brain — and a newer part, the neocortex. Humans, unlike animals, seem to have lost direct access to this ancient foundation. Our behavior is still largely driven by it, yet it remains unconscious. At the same time, the thinking brain dominates our inner world and creates constant mental noise, often poisoning or disturbing this deeper, more fundamental layer.

What makes this book difficult — and valuable — is how abstract the subject really is. How we think, how the mind works, and what awareness truly means are things we constantly experience, but can hardly express in words. This is the fundamental challenge. Eckhart Tolle approaches this problem from many different angles, using everyday situations to describe something that cannot easily be explained.

As a reader, you may only be able to adapt one or two of these approaches — and that is enough. Exploring just one or two perspectives in your own way of thinking can already lead to a deep aha moment. The book invites you to think very deeply, and these moments of insight often feel right, even though they cannot be fully proven or clearly expressed. Enlightenment, in that sense, is not easy.

The book is influenced by Christianity, including stories from the Bible, as well as Buddhism and teachings of the Buddha. To me, it shows that many religions share a common core, and this book manages to deliver that core in a practical way.

I have read The Power of Now three times and am currently reading it for a fourth time. Each reading brings new insights and new aha moments. Because of its deeply fundamental and abstract nature — touching the root of being — I place this book first in my list of personal recommendations.

The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People – Stephen R. Covey

When I first started reading this book, I was honestly skeptical. I thought it would be just another book about being more effective, boosting performance, or optimizing yourself in some superficial way. I read it as part of a book group, and my expectations were low.

But pretty quickly, I realized that Stephen Covey means something very different by “habits.”

He doesn’t talk about concrete, checklist-style habits. Instead, he describes very abstract and fundamental patterns of thinking and behaving — habits that can be applied in completely different ways depending on your personal situation. That shift in perspective made the book much more interesting to me.

The first part of the book focuses on self-mastery — what Covey calls the private victory. Ideas like being proactive, beginning with the end in mind, and putting first things first gave me a framework for thinking about responsibility and priorities. Especially helpful was the idea of distinguishing between what is important or unimportant, and what is urgent or not urgent. It’s not about doing more — it’s about focusing on the right things.

The second part of the book moves toward what Covey calls the public victory: how to work effectively with others. Concepts like thinking win-win, seeking to understand before being understood, and synergy changed how I think about collaboration. Instead of grinding through the same conflicts and situations again and again, the book encouraged me to look for different angles, new perspectives, and more creative solutions — often much easier than forcing old patterns to work.

One of the main takeaways for me was this progression: moving from dependence, to independence, and finally to interdependence. Being able to stand on your own, without ego, and then truly cooperate with others — that idea stuck with me.

At its core, the book promotes a principle-centered way of living. Rather than offering quick fixes or productivity hacks, Covey emphasizes character, values, and long-term consistency. Becoming effective is not about tricks — it’s about who you are and how you choose to act.

That, for me, is the real message of the book. The seven habits are simply a structured way of expressing this deeper idea — and that’s why it earned its place in my list of books that genuinely influenced me.

Atomic Habits – James Clear

This book felt like the perfect addition to The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. While Covey talks about habits on a very abstract and fundamental level, Atomic Habits is about very concrete, very small actions — tiny changes you add to your everyday life.

The core idea is simple: improving by just 1% at a time doesn’t sound impressive, maybe even a bit obvious at first. But these small improvements add up — 1%, 2%, 3% — and over time can lead to massive change. What the book makes very clear is that this is not easy. Consistency matters far more than willpower, and one-time efforts rarely stick.

One of the most valuable insights for me was realizing how strongly the environment shapes us — much more than we usually want to admit. I used to think that humans mainly act consciously and shape their environment through discipline and decisions. The more I reflected on this — and after reading this book — the more I felt it often works the other way around.

A very concrete example from my own life made this undeniable. When I lived in Japan, I lost around 20 kilograms of body fat within roughly half a year to eight months. I didn’t actively plan to lose weight or count calories. It simply happened. I was eating out every day, following a Japanese diet, living in a completely different environment. When I returned to Germany two years later, I quickly gained 10 kilograms back. Same person — different environment.

This experience also changed how I interpret things I used to judge differently. Before reading the book — and before living in Japan — I remember seeing news about people in the US suing fast-food chains for making them unhealthy and thinking: How can you deny personal responsibility? Now I see this much more nuanced. Of course, people are responsible for their actions. But at the same time, the environment — food availability, eating culture, and social habits — has a massive influence on behavior. Both perspectives are true.

Atomic Habits explains exactly this dynamic. It shows how changing your environment can make good habits easier and bad habits harder, how to reward good habits, discourage bad ones, overcome plateaus, and build systems that actually last.

Because of its very practical, concrete approach, Atomic Habits became a highly synergistic companion to the other habits books for me — and a genuinely valuable influence on how I think about change in everyday life.

Models by Mark Manson – A Personal Take

At first glance, this book is meant as a dating advice guide, but for me its meaning is much more general—it’s about human connection, authenticity, and how we relate to each other in every area of life.

The main insight I took away is that we overvalue rejection and negative feedback from others far too much. Evolutionarily, this made sense—being rejected by your clan or peer group could once mean death. But in today’s world, where we live in millions of cities and interact with countless strangers, those old rules don’t apply anymore. We need to rewire our brains to match the current reality.

Most people, including myself before reading this book, tend to play it safe: we avoid expressing strong opinions or emotions to reduce the risk of rejection. The problem is that this safety-oriented behavior keeps us average, disconnected, and uninteresting. Manson’s message is that we need to embrace vulnerability.

Being vulnerable means sharing your authentic self, even if that risks rejection. Yes, this might lead to more “no’s”—maybe even 80% of the time—but the 20% who respond positively connect with you much more deeply. Playing it safe never allows for those meaningful bonds.

Reading this book changed how I look at conversations in all areas of life. I now see why people who are authentic and emotionally present—whether in dating, business, or casual interactions—feel magnetic. They are perceived as people of character and values, and their honesty commands respect. On the other hand, people who are overly cautious or afraid to express even a small opinion often come across as flat or unengaging or even untrustful.

Another insight I gained is that rejection is not failure. It’s feedback and a necessary step toward authentic connection. I still experience fear and awkwardness, but I’ve learned to tolerate it more, to be more open, and to express myself honestly—even if it means rejecting some people along the way. This shift has made my relationships and interactions much richer.

Models helped me realize that authenticity and vulnerability are strengths, not weaknesses, and that the courage to express your true self creates the strongest connections in life.